Love

If you’ve ever seen the film ‘Meet Joe Black’ then you will know what i’m talking about. If not, i will attemp to explain…There is a scene in the film when they spot eachother across a crowded room, a cliche i know but they simply only have eyes for eachother. The world around them stops, it’s just them, completely intent upon the other person and nothing else matters.

Well, that’s how i always wanted my love to be. Pure, all encompassing and so strong that you feel that tug, like an invisible chord from your stomach, pulling you to them.

My first love was one of two young people who have grown up together. We knew eachother so well and although not totally suited, we had spent probably the most important of our teenage years together, and that in itself is a tough bond. Sadly the years of growing together made it almost a brotherly/sisterly love and more of a comfortable pairing.

The second of my loves…well, i was completely in awe of him. Smart, intelligent and with clear life goals he inspired me in a way that i didn’t think was possible. I learnt what it was like to really love and to be utterly bewildered by someone’s passion….butterfiles and heartache sadly seemed to come hand in hand. While he was safely up on my pedestall resolutely unshaken, unfortunately my need for security and long term plans bought me down from his.

The third…well i’m not ever sure you can call it love when it is so one sided. In fact, it wasn’t. So intent on trying to fix the problems from his past and make things work, i should have taken a step back and seen that all it was doing was draining my energy. I was so sure that it could work despite everything that i tried and tried and ignored that fact that he utterly wasn’t someone suited to me. Forced and one sided…never works.

Now the recent, the current, the here and now. Mostly my opposite, calm, relaxed, laid back and doesn’t worry about a thing. He keeps me on the straight and narrow. Calms me down when i’m stressed and makes me smile when i’m down. The soothing ointment to my searing impatience and temper, i don’t know how he copes with me.
Perhaps the most balanced relationship of all of them, we both care for eachother and there is no struggle of one sided love. They say opposites attract after all, the other half to make a whole.

None of my loves have been the kind in the film, the kind i dreamed of. One came close but it’s no good if it’s only one of you staring across the crowds looking for the other. They have all been different and i’ve learnt so much from each one. My questions is: Should we seek out that movie love and not be content until we have found it, or are the other kinds of love as good, if not better?

23 thoughts on “Love

  1. pete says:

    I don’t know, Im a hopeless romantic so I tend to think movie love. Then again I am also very much single so maybe I’m wrong. I think love is blind, so you’ll think the one you love is perfect, and in that sense they are perfect for you. I’m a walking cliche.

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  2. Buttons says:

    oh you soppy old romantic.
    don’t get me wrong though, i’m all for hearts and flowers and that, but i gues love is so changable that everyone has different kinds of love and i’m not sure holding out for movie love is going to get you very far….
    if you see what i mean?

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  3. Bunnyman says:

    Think you may already have the answer in this post, Buttons.

    I flew too close to the Sun once, it was intense and it burned and it could never have lasted. Some things only work in films, and just occasionally real life does bring us something better.

    erm, I think that meant no then yes …
    Me, I’m half a chocolate orange, looking for my half apple.
    šŸ™‚

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  4. Buttons says:

    chocolate apple? or normal apple?

    as far as i can tell, even though it’s different to my ideal, the opposites attract thing does work…as long as you are complimentary halves of a whole…

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  5. Bunnyman says:

    Maybe a pear, (oops, sorry)
    You’re right. It’s finding the compliment that’s hard. I almost did 4th time round but then she wanted to mould me, develop me, tell me what I should be interested in. I’m just too laid back, always thinking it would fix itself. After 13 years, there just wasn’t any room for me to be me and I couldn’t stand being a disappointment any more. Some things can’t be fixed no matter how much you try.

    As you get older it’s easier to see what to look for, but harder to find.

    Now that sounds sad, don’t it. I’m actually quite happy being half a chocolate orange. šŸ™‚

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  6. pete says:

    Yeah, I get what you mean, but I am terrible at this topic šŸ˜›

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  7. mrbubble says:

    No. You may have movie love occasionally, for a moment, for an hour, maybe even for 90 minutes plus commercials, trailers and credits, but it’s fantasy. I think if you always look for fantasy, you’ll never be content with reality.
    Take a deep breath, a step back and make your own movie!

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  8. Katja says:

    The movie love is great, but it’s not sustainable, I don’t think. Every relationship goes through stages and even if you have the eyes meeting across a crowded room to start with, it will probably change into something else (maybe even better) over time. Ultimately, if you’re happy, then go with it.

    Oh, and hello, by the way *grins*

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  9. Huw says:

    I’m with Katja. You go through stages. The movie thing is great but doesn’t (can’t)last. All being well, it gets replaced with something less heart-stopping but much deeper.

    I don’t want to be a smug married, but when I first met Ali she took my breath away every time I saw her. She often still does but these days, I find the every day things just as exciting.

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  10. Buttons says:

    Bunny honey – half a chocolate orange is brilliant šŸ™‚

    Bubble man i like that, make my own movie!

    Hi Katja!! you like?
    it is strange how love changes over time and when you look back on it, sometimes it isn’t quite what you thought!

    Huw – get out of here you smug married šŸ˜‰

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  11. Buttons says:

    oh i’m only joking! it’s lovely really…i hope i’m as in love with the person i marry

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  12. hamlet says:

    Why can’t it be like the movies all the time, though? I’ve never heard a good reason why not… (apart from movies aren’t real which I guess is fairly compelling)

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  13. Buttons says:

    hamlet…now i’d just accepted that it can’t be like in the movies becasue life just isn’t like that and now you come along and say that and dammit i agree with you
    why can’t it be like that?!

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  14. hamlet says:

    Sorry. Experience teaches us things and films aren’t real so I suppose we just have to get on with it. But yes, life WOULD be good if it was like that, sometimes… wouldn’t it? Then again, if life was always like movies it would suck.

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  15. Buttons says:

    depends what movie though i guess!

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  16. hamlet says:

    True, like if my life could be a romantic comedy, then I could be a complete bumbling fool and someone beautiful would find it charming and I would end up hitched… nice.

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  17. Olivia says:

    My first love was like yours, childhood friends, only one sided. I misinterpreted all his attention as like-like.

    Since then I have only met someone I wanted to love, but it ended before. I was still upset for months though.

    So basically, I don’t know much about love. Whatever I say will only be speculation and flight of fancy. Making stuff up, informed by the people I know and the movies I see.

    What I WANT is someone who helps me step out of my box, push my limits, but who has the patience to see my potential without giving me up as a hopeless case.

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  18. Buttons says:

    hamlet – that can happen in real life too you know!

    Arty – i’m sur eyou know what love is. i’ve heard you talk about Him.
    someone will come along and see how lovely you are. promise

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  19. Thing bbout movies is they have limited time to tell a story, so for convenience sake, they tend to show that “wow!” love that happens in an instant because it settles the “and they fell in love” in just one scene – giving the moveimaker plenty of time to roll out the other happenings. if you used the love that grows over time, the movie would have to be ABOUT that and nothing else. no time for boy to lose girl and boy girl to get back together again.

    There are many types of love and lacking that intensity doesn’t mean they’re not worth anything. Love comes in many shapes. you could end up throwing your life away waiting for what you think love SHOULD be.

    Mind you, that’s easy for me to say! I did get that ‘kapow’ with Gorgeous Landlord (after all, has his nickname ever been anything else?) and I realise that the passion will probably fade (because I don’t think the nervous system can cope with feelings of that intensity without deliberately toning down how it feels. A bit like standing in a room with a really loud noise going on – at first it’s just unbearably loud, but over time you get used to it and it doesn’t seem so loud anymore. That doesn’t mean the sound IS quieter, you just get accustomed to its loudness – except sometimes, when you choose to listen. I think love is the same. It seems to go away but actually it’s still there, if you listen. In a way, I am looking forward to that part of loving Landlord – the way things are now, it’s unbearable. I can’t cope with the intensity.

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  20. Buttons says:

    cookie, the intensity is tiring emotionally, i don’t know how you do it i really don’t.
    i very much like the ‘settled in’ phase becasue i can’t cope with the beginning, luckily me and the man got to that stage pretty quickly!

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  21. panda_eyed says:

    I love Meet Joe Black, it’s one of my favourites. Your question – movie love is all well and good, but they don’t show the other bits in the movies – the bits when you fight, when you have to work hard at the relationship, all the tough ugly bits that don’t mean you love each other any less than 2 characters in a movie.
    The romantic in me would like to think that movie love exists, but the cynic doesn’t think it does. They’re still fighting it out..

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  22. Buttons says:

    it always makes me cry that film…i don’t watch it any more!
    i think maybe there’s romantic mixed in with all the other day to day stuff… it’s movie love but just not all the time

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