Parental Guidance

I’ve come to the conclusion, slowly, that i’m spoilt. Yes in an ‘i always i got what i want way’ but also in love.

For all of my 23 years, i’ve watched my parents together. The way they interact and support eachother. Holding hands as they walk down the street and paying eachother complements. They are eachothers best friends.

The upshot of this is that i expect this from my relationships as well.

Don’t get me wrong, of course everyone wants to be treated well and have a loving relationship, but even some of the best marriages aren’t all like this.
I look for my partners to be supportive and loving and the other half of me. Not becasue i’m not a complete person but becasue i want someone to lean on and who is the carrots to my peas.

In all honesty, i wouldn’t settle for less. I wouldn’t sit at home while my man went out drinking every night, leaving me to look after the home and the kids. I wouldn’t be responsible for everything in the home and i certainly wouldn’t tolerate wandering eyes, hands, mouths or anything.

Now becasue of my home and family life and from speaking to friends and partners, i’ve come to think that possibly this is more of a distorted view than i think. For me it is normal… but for the majority of people it isn’t. They come from broken homes, arguing, divorces, settling for what you have and putting up with something you might not like.

Maybe this is more realistic, and my expectations are just a fairytale?

9 thoughts on “Parental Guidance

  1. pete says:

    No, I don’t think it is distorted, I think the world is distorted. People make the mistake all too often of going with people who’ll ‘do’ oh, he/she will do. And it creates bad marriages and this in turn creates negativity about marriage and makes it become more and more that its just the way things are.

    Don’t settle for less than you deserve.


  2. Buttons says:

    oh i won’t peter. i’ve done that too often in the past!
    it’s funny the ideas people have about marriage. for me, i only want it to happen once and it is important to me. i couldn’t be with someone who thought marriage wasn’t important


  3. pete says:

    Buttons, I much agree, I think society has devalued it, but that doesn’t mean as individuals we should allow it to be devalued, as there are still plenty of folks who value it too.
    I know its the real world, and people have disagreements and things from time to time, but in the main you should marry because you want to spend the rest of your life with them


  4. Buttons says:

    awwww i like that Pete. it’s so true. people think either that it’s something to be taken lightly becasue it’s so easy to get divorced, or that it doesn’t matter at all
    i’m a bit traditional!


  5. Bunnyman says:

    Unbalanced relationships may be (and in some segments of society, sadly are) quite common, but I don’t think we should be measuring our expectations from them. I mean, look at your folks’. There are loads of great partnerships too.

    But, but, but! There’s a difference between great and perfection. I know some feel we should keep looking for the pot of gold, but somewhere along the line you need to recognise when to stop, because it ain’t there.

    I’m in no position to talk, being a complete failure. But after 4 long term failures, I look at it this way. Respect and space.

    If I feel I’m repeatedly taken for granted or disrespected then something is wrong. If I look back on a month (and it’s really important to make the time to do it) and see that I haven’t respected my other half, then something is very wrong. At least one (maybe two) perfectly good relationship(s) failed because I didn’t properly make that time.
    It’s about sharing and balance but it shouldn’t be about confining or constriction. There’s stuff I can’t share. Like hanging off the edges of mountains. Like standing in a puddle for two hours waiting for the right light to take a photo.
    I’ve learned that I need to feel respected, and that I need to be able to give respect and that I need to continue to do the things that define me. That’s three things. Am I being greedy? Mind you, that’s all I need.

    Oh no! My comment grew and grew. Sorry to bore.


  6. Buttons says:

    bunny baby, i agree. relationships need work, even the best ones and i think you’d be sorely mistaken to think that they’re prefect.
    it’s about commitment, compromise, respect and hard work, not to mention a lot of love.

    if you aren’t prepared to work at a relationship then i think it’s doomed to failure becasue you can’t expect it to be all heart and flowers all the time.

    it’s also important to respect eachothers dreams, passions and goals….

    god i sound old


  7. bunnyman says:

    Guess respect is the one bit that’s still raw for me because that’s the bit that broke each time. You’re absolutely right about commitment, compromise, hard work, and love. And you don’t sound old, Buttons, it’s me, someone did hit me on the head with a rubber hammer when I read your post and I went all contemplative. I’m nursing a bruise but I think I’m better now 🙂


  8. Buttons says:

    oh deary! sorry for the bruise, i didn’t mean to mallets mallet you there!! hehe

    maybe i should try something more upbeat next time!


  9. Wow, strange to read this after just having discussed my mother on my blog comments.

    My parents were together for nearly 30 years. Everyone wanted what they had, and my friends who came round relished the cocoon of homelife we provided. They held hands all the time, couldn’t be near each other without reaching out.
    When that ended suddenly 4 years ago, it was like the rug was pulled out from under my feet.

    I suddenly don’t trust men. Rather than believing in marriage vows and the like, I have become so cynical about it all. I hate that about myself, and it ends up creating a whole vibe about love that I am sure seeps through into my attitude when dating. That, on top of having been single forever and therefore not confident about myself.

    “Divorce” was a bad word in our home. Once upon a time I would have been one of the peope offering you all sorts of hope and warm fuzzy thoughts.

    I can still give you a hug though.


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