Panic

I remember that i’d just got off the tube at Victoria. It had been happening a lot more frequently.

It seemed to be that it coincided with thinking about things that had been on my mind and upsetting me. But it didn’t just happen then.
A lot of the time, it would be when i was on the bus or tube. Surrounded on all sides by people, pressing in against me and invading my space. I needed to get off but i couldn’t and i would panic to the point of almost being sick.

This was the worst it had got. I was in WHSmiths looking for a book to loose myself in.
My breath caught in my throat as my chest seemed to constrict. I got hot, flustered and had to take my jacket off.
I’d started to cry, in the middle of the shop.
My breathing got faster and i was finding it hard to control.

So i did the only thing i could to distract myself and get myself calm enough to get out.
I started scratching my chest. Just with my fingernails, but hard enough to feel it. Over and over again. It was sore and bled a little, but the feeling took my mind off my panic.

Once my breathing and heart rate had slowed, i stopped and got out of the shop.

I knew i had to go to the doctors about it. It had just gotten out of hand.

22 thoughts on “Panic

  1. Moobs says:

    I hope things are better now. Panic attacks really are miserable miserable things. You are very brave.

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  2. Buttons says:

    thanks moobs. i don’t think i was brave at the time though!

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  3. Olivia says:

    Oh poor Buttons, that is terrible.
    *hugs*

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  4. You were brave to start seeing someone to help you. Alot of people wouldnt admit up to something as big as this, but you did.

    And now your getting better, which is the important thing. xx

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  5. Buttons says:

    thank you Olivia. that was a bad day, but it got me to the doctors!
    ****
    my boy. you help. a lot.
    xxx

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  6. panic attacks are horrible. And I hate it when people say ‘only’ a panic attack. There is nothing ‘only’ about experiencing one. *hugs* and you ARE brave cos you’re doing something about it rather than letting it all get to you.

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  7. Buttons says:

    thanks ucookie. i think it doesn’t help becasue the panic makes you panic even more!

    but i’ve only had one or two since thank goodness

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  8. huw says:

    Glad things are getting better now. Panic attacks are horrible things, and yes, I agree with the others, the bravest thing is to confront them, which you are doing. Go Buttons!

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  9. Buttons says:

    go me!!! saying that, i did have one two weekends ago, but the alcohol i had drunk didn’t help one bit

    sadly šŸ˜¦

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  10. sussie says:

    Hi Buttons, know what you are going through. I am slowly getting better, and can go round the supermarkets as long as there is someone with me.
    Keep your spitits up, hugs.

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  11. beast says:

    I once had a panic attack on a bus. I had to get off and have a wee in a children’s playground. There weren’t any children present, but I’d be lying if I’d have said that I wouldn’t have weed if there were.

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  12. Buttons says:

    Sussie you’re a supermarkets one are you?
    sadly, i’ve found that my attacks and general stresses mean that i don’t love shopping like i used to šŸ˜¦
    ****
    best did you have an attack beacuse you needed to wee or did the attack make you need to wee?

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  13. panda_eyed says:

    Panic attacks are awful, I’m glad you got help. I used to have them too, but they gradually got fewer, and I haven’t had one in years. I used to have such trouble breathing, to the point of passing out, and felt like I was having a heart attack.
    I hope you too will eventually get over this x

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  14. Catherine says:

    Panic has got to be one of the worst emotions/feelings ever invented. It’s been a good three years since my last one, but I can remember the horridity of it like it was yesterday. I’m glad you made it through, Buttons.

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  15. Sketches says:

    My friend suffers from it and she refuses to take help, you are brave.

    How do i help her, talking just does not help.

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  16. Buttons says:

    panda, did it come with any form of depression or did you just get the attacks?
    ****
    thanks Catherine!!
    ****
    Sketches, will she not even go to the doctors? or see a councellor?

    i guess it’s just finding a way to cope. recognising things that set you off and ways to try and avoid it or get yourself somewhere you feel more comfortable

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  17. Buttons, the things you write here are so amazingly honest. Some of them I can identify with personally, but all of them I understand. It’s refreshing in a way, and I hope you get as much out of sharing it as people seem to from reading it. x

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  18. Buttons says:

    oo errrr thanks Bubble Man
    *blushes*

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  19. I made buttons blush. I am proud of that! (but didn’t mean to)

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  20. holllyberrry says:

    oh, Buttons! I’m sorry. I get flustered and overwhelmed when i’m in a busy shopping mall, but i always am lucky enough to have enough time to exit before I become full blown panicked. i hope that things will get better for you.

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  21. avssblondie says:

    Do you know, I have never spoken with anyone else who has panic attacks. Mine came with depression and although I dont have attacks anymore, when I began comming off my anti depressants the ‘panic’ was there once again. It feels like im being stabbed all over my body with tiny little pins and I get such bad stomach pains that I don’t know if I should puke or poo. I don’t know if it will ever go away, all I do know is you need to talk, to a therapist and stay on medication for as long as you need to. There is no shame in it. You can email me anytime honey-I think we are 2 of the same!! xx

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  22. Dax says:

    Ah, Buttons, know the feeling, there’s nothing worse than claustrophobia for me. I try to shut down the whole body and go elsewhere, at least in my mind…

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