I remember that i’d just got off the tube at Victoria. It had been happening a lot more frequently.
It seemed to be that it coincided with thinking about things that had been on my mind and upsetting me. But it didn’t just happen then.
A lot of the time, it would be when i was on the bus or tube. Surrounded on all sides by people, pressing in against me and invading my space. I needed to get off but i couldn’t and i would panic to the point of almost being sick.
This was the worst it had got. I was in WHSmiths looking for a book to loose myself in.
My breath caught in my throat as my chest seemed to constrict. I got hot, flustered and had to take my jacket off.
I’d started to cry, in the middle of the shop.
My breathing got faster and i was finding it hard to control.
So i did the only thing i could to distract myself and get myself calm enough to get out.
I started scratching my chest. Just with my fingernails, but hard enough to feel it. Over and over again. It was sore and bled a little, but the feeling took my mind off my panic.
Once my breathing and heart rate had slowed, i stopped and got out of the shop.
I knew i had to go to the doctors about it. It had just gotten out of hand.