Thanks to Twenty Something Writers for these writing prompts!
You’ve just been given at time machine. You can only use it once, to go back to day in your past and relive it or change something. What day would you go back to, what would you change and why?
Oh my. Well, this is a tough one. They say everything happens for a reason and I firmly believe that all the things that have happened to me in the past (that immediately spring to mind that I’d want to change), have made me the person I am today (which I’m kinda happy with)..however there’s one thing that might make me a more peaceful person, and one that would possibly change quite a lot about my life. So I’m going to say that I’ll think about it, and decide between these two.
1. I would go back in time to the night my Nan died…and I’d be there. I felt guilty for years. I felt selfish for having been out with my friends. I felt hard done by for not getting to say goodbye. In all honesty, she was so frail and ill, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to see her…I’d not seen her for a few weeks before she died and the last time I had, it had upset me so much to see her like that…but I didn’t know then it was the last time and I didn’t say goodbye. I’d like to.
2. I would go back in time to the first day I felt a very sore, tender lump on the bottom of my spine. I wouldn’t dismiss it as a bruise. I wouldn’t ignore it and hope it’d just go away. I wouldn’t leave it until it go so bad that I had to be taken to the hospital to have an operation to remove it. I’d just go to the Doctors and he’d give me antibiotics to clear it up. If I could just go back and do that, then I think things would be quite different.
I wouldn’t have spent almost a year going to the doctors every day to get my dressings changed because it wouldn’t get better.
I wouldn’t have had a wound cuarterised* and wouldn’t know how shitting painful it is.
I wouldn’t have had 12 different types of antibiotic which ruined me for quite a while.
I wouldn’t have missed my whole second year of Uni. I might have got a 1st.
I wouldn’t have gotten so depressed from having to stay in a whole lot.
I wouldn’t have put on 4 stone (yes, really)
I wouldn’t have fallen out of the loop with my friends and become so damn socially uncomfortable.
But then if all these things hadn’t happened, who knows…maybe I wouldn’t have met The Boy and moved to Spain. I certainly wouldn’t have discovered blogging. I wouldn’t have such a high pain threshold (really if you’ve had an open wound cuarterised with no anaesthetic, there’s not much that hurts). I would probably be a whole lot thinner though….which would be nice! And I wouldn’t know how much fun morphine is.
*there’s not actually much on the internet about it and I’m still not sure what the consultant did to me as I was facing the other way….but he basically had a giant (hard) cotton bud that I think was covered in some kind of chemical that he scraped around inside the wound. This burns the top layer of (non-healing) cells off to reveal fresh new ones that hopefully um ‘make new ones’ and heal the wound. Sorry to be gross and un-technical!