Well

I’m feeling lost. Which is no surprise. I just split up with someone I was with for almost 4 years, and with no real reason given for it, I had to leave Spain at a days notice and come home.

I seem to be coping. I cried at the drop of a hat, at the drop of anything for the first few days…and then I called him and he was distant and he was ok and getting on with things, so I thought maybe I should be too….and I have been. I’m very proud of myself.

But.

I’m worried. I’m back where I was 4 years ago. Living with my parents, a crap job, lonely and single with NO IDEA what direction to take. That’s what bothers me most. What did I do with those 4 years? I’ve not progressed, I’ve not really done anything…I mean sure, i’ve lived in Spain for almost 2 years but I didn’t get anything out of it. I can’t now speak fluent Spanish……

I miss my cat who has to stay there until April for quarantine/rabies blood test issues and that’s hurting a lot.

I also get the feeling that when I do start looking (and believe me I’m sworn off it for a while) all the good men are gone. Taken. If they’re good, they’re going to have been snapped up and not let go. Or else they’re gay. I need someone to love me….not to define me, don’t worry, I am my own person but MY GOD I need affection. I need a hug. I need someone to go out and get me some pain killers because it feels like all my teeth are going to fall out or to tell me I look beautiful when I’m worrying before a night out with impossibly Barbie like friends.

I’d just like to know where I’m going….what I’m going to do and when will I get there?

(this post is sponsored by Valium, painful wisdom teeth and an apparent tummy bug)

27 thoughts on “Well

  1. Lizsara says:

    It’s hard to know what to say that will even think about making you feel better. We all crave affection and companionship; as my SLG post said at the weekend i miss that more than anything. I feel like you too in a way, i have caught myself looking at hands before faces recently for the sign of a wedding ring, which is weird and quite disturbing when i notice myself doing it. I worry that i am going to be left on the shelf, i don’t have a circle of girlfriends to go out and have fun with or anything like that so i worry about how i am even going to meet people in the first place.

    But somewhere inside me, i have faith that i WILL find the right person, even if it take a while to do it. it’s only been six months since the end of my relationship i have proved that i don’t need a man to be who i want to be and i am content that at some point, it will happen

    and i think it will for you too

    Like

  2. urbanvox says:

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
    If u need to talk u know where to find me… Time is all I have these days… 🙂

    xxx

    Like

  3. Fabulous says:

    Hey lovely.
    I really do understand how you are feeling. Honestly i do as this happened to me except i moved to Birmingham with my bow not Spain.
    Infact i think i will just email you.
    Hugs on here for you. x

    Like

  4. LizSara I think it’s just that I don’t like big decisions at the best of times and now I feel like it is time to make some. What I’m going to do, what career I want, if it’s time to try and buy somewhere to live…it’s all very grown up and I don’t feel grown up enough!

    Although I do have a good circle of friends, I’m now the only single one and feel a little like i’m badgering them to go out and do things when they have other stuff going on.
    I had a great night out at the weekend and probably got more attention from random men than I have from The (ex)Boy in a LONG time which did boost my confidence but all the people I could think of who I knew were nice and lovely all have gf’s now…and it makes me wonder if there’s ANY nice men around!

    Like

  5. MrVox thank you 🙂

    Fabby I just gotta get my arse in gear and GET ON with things, but it’s hard. I do have my a personal trainer though. First step done! xx

    Like

  6. Helen says:

    I feel the same. I honestly don’t know if there are any good ones left. All my friends (bar a couple of staunch singletons) are in relationships with wonderful men. I just want to know where mine is!!

    You sound like you are doing ok though. A hell of a lot better than I was at the end of my relationship.

    I suppose we just have to keep the faith that we’ll find the right one for us sometime soon.

    Oh, and as for having no direction, I feel your pain. I’m 27 (almost 28) and still living at home. You’re not the only one xx

    Like

  7. Helen yes, I’m doing ok, I’m quite surprised at myself….but when I called him and he was fine and happy and moving on, well, I thought ‘sod him’ and decided to pull my socks up and get on with it…and I have been mostly!

    Like

  8. miss*H says:

    I admire you, you sound like you’re getting in brilliantly..like they say you’ve gotta wash that man right outta your hair 🙂 I would be a blubbering wreck, so you must be must stronger than you think and in thta case you’ve gotta go out there and get what you want 🙂

    Think of it as a good thing; you can really focus on yourself and do what you want work wise and life wise

    xxxx

    Like

  9. Miss H I always underestimate myself….other people do a lot as well. I’m a very emotional person, I cry at the TV and sad animals and stupid things…but when it comes to the big stuff, I can tough it out better than most. Just have to keep busy.
    xxx

    Like

  10. Jo says:

    As you know I went through the same thing…well, exactly this time last year, almost to the day. When I spoke to the ex or heard from him at the time, I also thought he was distant and assumed he was moving on or immediately over it. Truth is, you’re both probably hurting and his business-like tone was a result of that. But as I found out, no contact is a really good way to sort both your heads out and ultimately gets you over it, if that’s what you want to do.

    I also had the same thoughts about living at home, with no career, no idea how to meet people and a feeling that I’d stunted myself for a relationship somehow. I didn’t swear off men but I had fun, smiled at them and took phone numbers that I never texted, had a few kisses that never progressed any further and went to see friends around the country who I hadn’t seen in ages. Use the fact you have a crap job to do all the stuff you won’t be able to do when you’ve got a career that actually matters, like travel, take time off and have lie ins 🙂

    Lastly, I’m sorry the break up was out of the blue & for seemingly no reason, but like with me, I’m sure the reasons will become clear as times gets on.x

    Like

  11. Jo oh well he had a reason…. his feelings had ‘changed’. A while ago apparently. He didn’t love me any more….which you know, is as good as a kick in the face.

    The no contact is easier, I know that. I’ve also been through this (more or less) exact thing before…which in a way makes it harder. It’s happened to me once before, maybe it’s me doing something wrong…although I know it’s not. It’s not me, it’s them.

    Like

  12. Jo says:

    That is indeed a kick in the face, it’s that inexplicable thing that you can’t argue with or debate at all. It is what it is. Strangely, in a way, I found it easier being broken up with than in the past when I’ve done it myself. Sometimes the guilt of being the person to break it off is worse, plus if the decision is in their hands and you can take that ‘Well, I tried. Their loss’ approach after a while. I found it easier knowing at least I’d never feel regret about breaking up with someone, that I’d tried even if they hadn’t, even though being on the receiving end hurt like hell.x

    Like

  13. Jo all everyone (mostly real life people) keeps saying is “he’s going to regret it”….I half hope he will because I tried to hard but then I half hope he doesn’t because it would be horrible to regret something like that and know you’d messed up so much.
    I also keep getting “you can do better”..and as much as I love him..I think I can. Not because I’m better than him, but I deserve someone who is as loving and affectionate as I am and who isn’t afraid to show it.

    Like

  14. respectableside says:

    So i can still recall the words uttered to me over 5 years ago….at the time i felt what was wrong with me…what was so bad that he couldn’t love me. Actually it wasn’t me…it was him and over time all the reasons and the meaning cam out…it took 6 months of not speaking to get there. You will go through every emotion under the sun through this…it is like a grieving process. As for not knowing where you are going….well it might not feel like it right now but here’s a chance to start again…map out where exactly you would like to go…make your choices rather than the ones the world throws at you. See you later xx

    Like

  15. Cataclismical says:

    Hugs hun .. I’ve been there too .. trust me there IS someone out there for you, you just have to be patient.

    Be strong.

    Cat xxx

    Like

  16. gemmak says:

    Hey….I know where you are at as you know and I know that nothing I say right now can make much difference, like you told me, it takes time but really, it does get better. It may be a slow process sometimes but it does happen and it will happen for you.

    Don’t worry about what you did the last 4 years, you gained much from it, many experiences that shape who you are and who you will be in the future and you have achieved much that most of us never will.

    Oh…and we have to keep believing a few of the good ones got missed and are still looking for us! ;o)

    I know I’m not the worlds most reliable where email is concerned right now but you know where I am and you have my number.

    *massive hugs*

    Like

  17. smidge says:

    Aww love, getting over the fact that someone is no longer in love with you has to be one of the hardest things you will have to do. But you will.

    I’ve been through ups and downs with the boy recently, he couldn’t decide if he loved me still and this still defines our relationship somewhat.

    But i have got to the point that if he doesn’t love me, then why should he deserve the love i could have for him. One wrong step…

    Everyone deserves some one that thinks the sunshine out of your arse, even if you look haggard, have tooth ache and need a hug. Even men have these days!

    But no one can love you if you dont love yourself, there needs to come a point when you stop defining yourself by the man on your arm. Once you do that then you can find a man that deserves to be there and believe me, he is out there!

    Hugs xxx

    (I know this is contrite and cliched, but cliches are there for a reason!)

    Like

  18. Carrie says:

    Oh I’m so sorry, this seems really out of the blue…I know I only know what you write here, but it does. And for you to have to leave Spain too. Gosh, can’t imagine where your head is. I hope you’re ok.

    It is awful, breakups obviously are, and it hurts. I’ve been through something similar, although I ended up living with his mother when I became homeless. Awkward. 🙂

    I know there’s not much I can say here to make it better. But it will be ok, I know it. I am v smart you know.

    Like

  19. Lpeg says:

    Wow, that’s got to be really hard for you. To not only break up, but to leave your home for the past two years, and leave behind your feline.

    I hope he doesn’t regret what he has done – rather I hope he thought long and hard about this decision, and realized that if that was how he really felt, it wouldn’t be fair to you in the long run.

    You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, and he just wasn’t the one. You’ll find him. It’s scary and not 100% for certain, but someday you’ll meet someone, and you’ll know that all of this was for a reason.

    Hang in there. I’m proud of you for being so strong. xx.

    Like

  20. nuttycow says:

    Sounds like you’re getting there. It’s difficult when you arrive into the real world having been in the embrace of a long term relationship.

    When do you start looking? When you’re ready. Sounds facetious, it isn’t meant to be. You’ll know when you’re good though.

    Don’t worry about your “taken” friends – I’m sure they’ll all revel in a night out with the girls. If not, you can give me a call!

    x

    Like

  21. It’s clear that this is more than just a breakup. It’s a life-changing event, and it’s nearly impossible – I’m sure – to look at the positives when so many negatives are standing in the way. But give it more time and hopefully the good things will start to shine through a bit more. That’s tough right now, I know it. But it’ll happen.

    And every girl has the same exact worries when a relationship ends. And then every guy you do meet who isn’t gay or taken just doesn’t measure up as you hoped he would. But you don’t have to look to find someone great, and when it’s supposed to happen, it will. Darlin’, you are gorgeous and from what I read here, an amazing lady. Any guy would be lucky to have you, and no, I don’t *have* to say that ’cause we’re bloggy friends. I genuinely mean it.

    ::Hugs::

    Like

  22. 21 replies, I haven’t read them all but it seems a lot of the girls (including myself) have the same worries. Are there any good ones left? What are we talking about? The ones that are left have too much baggage … so do we! The ones who are left are too mental … so are we! The ones who are left must have something wrong with them else why are they single … so are we? You could look at the bright side, the single ones weren’t pathetic enough to settle with the first girl they met. Meeting someone now means its more likely to last as you’re older and wiser and ready to make a proper commitment.

    I miss the affection and having someone to talk to – just the day to day stuff, but of all the heart ache over the past 3 years I never once regretted being single because I always knew for a fact that being on my own rather than with the wrong person was ALWAYS the right decision.

    Being in an unhappy relationship is heartache every single day, there is no joy in anything. Holidays are filled with dread, birthdays are just another year gone. You see happy couples in feel sad. Sure being single can be a bit lonely sometimes …note ‘sometimes’ but as long as you keep trying and take care of yourself, concentrate on finding out what makes you happy, the rest really does just follow.

    When you’re happy you attract happy people, you become a magnet for people not just men.

    I’m not going to say ‘it will take time, theres someone out there for you’ etc etc, you know all this already and have probably heard it a million times the past few days. But from your reaction to this, you sound like you knew it was coming, one day hopefully soon you’ll realise being single is a good thing! It means you’re ready and available to meet the person who is right for you.

    LizSara – hahah! I’ve started to look for wedding rings too! How sad! 🙂

    Like

  23. Paula says:

    God, I’ve been there. It’s such a horrible HELPLESS feeling to feel like you’re back at square one. All I can advise is what people told me – to just take it one day at a time. It DOES get easier eventually. But it’s so difficult to see that at the time.

    You are a strong person though. I believe you’ll get through it. 🙂

    Like

  24. fgrngtllt says:

    break ups are hard and they have you questioning every facet of your life. and although things seem kinda blah right now they could be worse. and maybe you feel like you;ve taken 50 steps back in time but right now it may be wot you need to get you up and on your feet and discover you. before you date again sort you out. decide what your dreams and ambitions are. being single is not a bad thing ( i have been for way more many years than i care to share) but you will survive. you will be ok. cry get it out.

    when the time is right you will figure out what you want.

    Like

  25. Eleni says:

    Poor thing. Adding injury to insult with the wisdom teeth (still haven’t had mine out… that’ll happen some time soon). At least there’s the Valium?

    I bet Liz Lemon misses you, too! I can’t believe she has to stay there until April! Half a year?! Outrageous 😦

    I don’t have any good advice or wisdom to share with you. Wish I did. But I can offer sympathy and encouragement. It’s OK–you’ll find a way.

    Like

  26. James says:

    Thanks for the password, I feared this news might be what was behind the protected posts, but I didn’t want to just assume.

    I know there are so many people who are far closer to you both in your offline and online life than I am, but I’m still sad to hear the news, and I do genuinely hope things work out well for both of you.

    Relationships are a very tricky one to master, I know I’ve not done too great with them so far.

    Like

  27. chele says:

    I am sending you the most warming loving hug a girlfriend can extend to another. I am very impressed hoe well you are doing, I am proud of you.
    Yes, it is going to hurt so much but it is ok, normal to have that pain. You need to cry it out a bit and moving on is a very scary thing.
    Dont rush it, it will take time.
    I myself had given up and it took me so many years to find a decent man I almost gave up, but he did show up.
    He will show up for you to then one who gives you all the right affection that you need.

    Like

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: