I’m feeling lost. Which is no surprise. I just split up with someone I was with for almost 4 years, and with no real reason given for it, I had to leave Spain at a days notice and come home.
I seem to be coping. I cried at the drop of a hat, at the drop of anything for the first few days…and then I called him and he was distant and he was ok and getting on with things, so I thought maybe I should be too….and I have been. I’m very proud of myself.
I’m worried. I’m back where I was 4 years ago. Living with my parents, a crap job, lonely and single with NO IDEA what direction to take. That’s what bothers me most. What did I do with those 4 years? I’ve not progressed, I’ve not really done anything…I mean sure, i’ve lived in Spain for almost 2 years but I didn’t get anything out of it. I can’t now speak fluent Spanish……
I miss my cat who has to stay there until April for quarantine/rabies blood test issues and that’s hurting a lot.
I also get the feeling that when I do start looking (and believe me I’m sworn off it for a while) all the good men are gone. Taken. If they’re good, they’re going to have been snapped up and not let go. Or else they’re gay. I need someone to love me….not to define me, don’t worry, I am my own person but MY GOD I need affection. I need a hug. I need someone to go out and get me some pain killers because it feels like all my teeth are going to fall out or to tell me I look beautiful when I’m worrying before a night out with impossibly Barbie like friends.
I’d just like to know where I’m going….what I’m going to do and when will I get there?
(this post is sponsored by Valium, painful wisdom teeth and an apparent tummy bug)