Single Male Friend

I realise I owe you a post, some gossip, and an explanation on this subject. The reason it has taken me so long is that it’s confusing and complicated.

Background is:

We went to school together. I didn’t get to know him well until we were older and had left school really. We kissed a few times, a lot of years ago when I was drinking a lot to try and not be so depressed (which as you know, didn’t work!)…which clearly was brushed under the carpet and not spoken about.

Just before I left for Spain, he left to go travelling in Australia. He met someone  while he was there, and didn’t come back..not until about a month after I returned from Spain myself. We suddenly found ourselves in the same situation.
We had both been away for almost two years. We both came back not because we wanted to, but because we split up with the person we were with. It was even worse for him…when he had left, the majority of our bloke mates were still single. He was used to being out and about with them all the time. Single lads go wild and all that. Suddenly, he returned to find them all shacked up and pretty serious with their ladies.

The situation:

For my part, I am so utterly grateful to have him around. My lovely lady friends are all taken and all very busy. We all see each other as much as we can, but most weekends, they (quite rightly) have their own plans. So I found myself making plans with SMF….and whatever others of the guys were out.
After a few very good weekends of this, we came to Valentines Day. We got drunk. We kissed. It was fine, nothing was awkward afterwards, we just carried on as normal. It was Valentines Day, what else were two single drunks supposed to do?!

A couple of weeks on and we found ourselves in the situation where none of our other friends were out. After a few whingey texts backwards and forwards lamenting our bored and single status, we decided that we would go out….just the two of us. We had a great night, nothing odd or couply or awkward about it…and did the same thing again the weekend after.

Our friends tease us mercilessly….well more the lads tease him….as you can imagine. They all play football together and all he gets is a whole load of “…so you and [Pinky] went out last night, did you blag her?….have you banged her yet?” etc etc. Yes, they have yet to grow up. All credit to him, he seems to (so far) be able to shrug it off and get on with things….

And now….

After Easter weekend and all it’s shenanigans, he got a text from me:

I think you might be the only decent man I know.x

..and it’s very true…ask any my girl friends what they think of him and you’ll get “…awwww… I love SMF, he’s so lovely…” which compared to most of the men I have come in contact with recently, is a novelty.

The past few weekends however have been a little different. Which is where there is confusion. I’m thinking that I am completely doing the girly thing and reading too much into it all but to be quite honest, I’m so shit and this stuff, I don’t trust my own judgement.

As chatty and friendly as he is, as much as we tease each other in a mildly flirty way…he’s not very tactile…I just don’t think he’s like that… but last weekend he was. Very much. To give the full story, he was very drunk…and I don’t know if that means he didn’t mean to be like that or if he wants to be like that more but isn’t brave enough.
Anyhow, I got an arm round me when we talked. I got a hand on my neck when he came up behind me. I got arms round my waist when we ended up on the dance floor and it was hard to be heard over the music.

This weekend, when we left to get a cab, he was holding my hand (mostly to drag me across the road because I was being slow) and then suddenly we weren’t walking across the road and we were kissing.
In the cab, he had not let go of my hand and moved across the seats to sit next to me and put his arm around me. As the cab dropped him off, there was more kissing and big stupid grins (more than once in a night has not happened before)…After a text to make sure I had got the rest of the way home ok:

Me: Sorry for jumping you x

SMF: I think it was me who did the jumping, and for the record, I’m not sorry x

Which is how it stands now…..do I like him, like that? Does he like me like that? I genuinely have no idea at all. He’s not the most forward of guys, being a little shy and un-confident…and after other fiascos, there is no way I would ever admit that maybe I like him…so perhaps it’s doomed from [not even] the start?

48 thoughts on “Single Male Friend

  1. Blonde says:

    From that, I’d assume that he’s pretty keen…

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  2. Paula says:

    Getting involved with someone who is a good friend is always a tricky one – you don’t want to lose the friendship if it all goes sour, but then . . . what if it doesn’t??? He sounds lovely!

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  3. ayemiy says:

    I think if he’s not the most tactile, he may be DESPERATELY trying not to be so as not to look too into you. But the fact that when he’s drunk, he’s less inhibited with the touchy feeliness (not in a pervy way) does kinda indicate that there’s some residual feelings.

    Then I read the text, and now I am not sure why you’re confused, because to me that is a giant, neon sign that says “I LIKE YOU, OMG PLEASE LIKE ME. I WANT MORE KISSES”.

    So in my mind, the only question is, do YOU like HIM? God knows you deserve a lovely man, but you also deserve someone you’re attracted to. And it does seem a little that way….?

    Sometimes the best boyfriends are borne of an awkward friendship 🙂

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  4. DiscoMcDisco says:

    … And since?

    I’m rivetted, I guess just see where it’s going and just don’t think about it too much (easy to say, hard to do)… But if it’s been cool and comfy then that’ll last out, and after all those ‘big grins’ I’m pretty sure he’s into you…

    Just see…

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  5. Helen says:

    I think you like him. And even if it doesn’t amount to anything a few kisses and a bit of fun is just what you need! Sounds like he’s pretty keen xx

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  6. littlespoon says:

    I say feel it out, obviously you both enjoy each other’s company 🙂 Just don’t do the girl thing and make it weird/awkward. I mean the big thing here is you don’t want to lose the friendship. And I think the quickest way to send it in that direction is to have the “What’s this?” convo. So for now try and get a read on your own feelings 🙂

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  7. Lucy says:

    This reminds me of Monica and Chandler.

    You seem very fond of him and great friends. Maybe see where it goes and what it turns into. If you’ve kissed before and remained friends, then I think it is worth the risk finding out.

    Good luck Pinky, I really hope this works out for you. X

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  8. Blonde really? I’m so useless with men and signals and things…

    Paula exactly, we get on so well and we so need eachother (in non rude ways) right now that to ruin it would just be crap.

    ayemily buuuuuut when he’s not all pissed, he’s not like that at all…and there’s never a mention of the kissing after… it’s kind of like we think if we pretend it didn’t happen, then it didn’t and we can carry on as normal (which we do)

    Disco a few “how you feeling?” “I’m hungover” texts yesterday, just the usual….

    Helen I think that’s the way I’ll go….just maybe a few more drunk kisses and see…? Hmm.

    Spoon ohhhhhhhhh yes, no conversations like that, nono.

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  9. Lucy that’s the one good thing…the kissing has never made it weird…so maybe it won’t….

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  10. Smidge says:

    Yes he really in to you! Just don’t go weird on him, don’t play games, don’t play hard to get, this guy is your mate at the end of the day and he deserves honesty about your feelings. Fir the record he sounds lovely!

    P.s explained situation to B (he didn’t read this) and from a boys point of view he said green light!

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  11. Smidge nnngh. Real honesty? Now? Can’t I just do Helen’s idea and kiss until he says something?

    Any more info on the green ‘boy’ light? It’s not just him being pissed? (SMF not B!)

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  12. Soupy says:

    It looks to me like he really likes you but hasn’t had the guts to actually put his feelings out there. I’d say play it by ear now – but bear in mind the risk he has taken with his text and perhaps be prepared to take a similar chance yourself if things seem warm. x

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  13. Soupy but…it was a drunk text, so I don’t know if it counts!

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  14. Soupy says:

    Aren’t you more likely to tell the truth when drunk because you lose your inhibitions? (plus the general ability to lie?)

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  15. DiscoMcDisco says:

    Of course it counts…

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  16. OH EDIT (well addition):

    Forgot to also say that after my “You’re the only decent man I know” thing…his reply was along the lines of:
    “Don’t give up blah blah blah [insert cute pep talky things]. If you ever want to meet up in the week for a drink of whatever then give me a shout.”

    …which I haven’t done yet, of course…. but now it makes me think a little…

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  17. Smidge says:

    I like Helens idea but how long can you cope with that for? I mean honesty in that don’t play games. Or send crazy texts.

    B said it’s obvious he likes you and that you need to decide if you really like him enough to risk a friendship over, if you do then it could be the best thing you do!

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  18. Smidge says:

    As for the edit, I take it this was before the snog? He’s maybe taken that as a green light, some men just need a push in the right direction x

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  19. Smidge I don’t think (unless it went a lot further than I’ve even thought about) that it would ruin the friendship…it never has so far…but I’d be scared to lose him as a friend…at the moment, I wouldn’t have much of a life outside of work without him!

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  20. punctuation says:

    He SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO likes you like ‘that’. Maybe he didn’t before for a multitude of reasons, maybe he did but didn’t think he should do anything about it, maybe he was too chicken.

    But oh oh oh he SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO likes you like that. I thought it was the guys that were rubbish at subtle signs and then less subtle signs but, clearly, he SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO likes you like that.

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  21. …and yes, that was before the snog…three weeks ago…after my last failure at telling a guy I like him!! haha

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  22. jen says:

    I think you just made me love SMF a little with that. I think he’s keen, but maybe not sure what you want…or maybe he’s just not had a chance to do anything about it yet (in his head). Just keep being your fabulous self and see where it goes! Do you get the butterfly feeling? It’s so worth going through a bit of unhappiness to get back to the butterfly stage again every now and then!!

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  23. Mr P I like your enthusiasm on this one! I see no signs, subtle or glaringly obvious. I am oblivious to signs…drunk things don’t count for all that much in my book….

    Jen aww, he is a love, bless him….. in fact, I think I upset him a little by saying he’s boring when he’s sober (an obvious joke)…but that was before the kissing…so I think he forgave me….

    hmmm….no butterflies because they’re a little confused and usually swimming in alcohol…but big grins, indeed.

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  24. Perpetual says:

    He likes you. Maybe he’s just been unsure how to tell / show you?

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  25. punctuation says:

    I am absolutely positive, based on the things you’ve said that he said that he does, 100 percent, think of you like that. I married my best friend – it *is* possible to be friends and in a relationship – it doesn’t always mean one or the other.

    Problem is – if you go down the route of being “more than friends” (and in some ways you already have) then, if it doesn’t work out as “more than friends” it might make it tricky to go back.

    I say: go for it – he sounds nice… and interested… and you’re, I reckon, fairly interested too 😉

    Life’s too short to say “if only”.

    p.s. Blog about it or ELSE!

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  26. Perp hmm I’m still not sold….but maybe

    Mr P ohhh think i’m going to wait it out for a bit and see what happens….

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  27. Sultana says:

    nice blog! my 2 cents: he likes you but take things slowly, follow his cue

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  28. yes! And the Sultana has it…..follow his cue. Indeed.

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  29. Zstep says:

    Pinky baby, you are thinking about this one wayyyyyyyy too much. If you know him well enough to believe he’s not in it for a hit and run, then he probably like-likes you. And if he’s a bit shy and unconfident, then its no surprise it takes a bit of booze to give him courage.

    Stop thinking about it so much and go for it. You know you want to.

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  30. He sounds lovely! It sounds like he’s into you but he’s probably worried about spelling it out in case you don’t feel the same and it ends up ruining your friendship. If you like him I think you should be brave and tell him – if you do it the next time there’s drunken carrying on you’ll always have the excuse of it being silly drunken chat if it doesn’t work out the way you want it to!

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  31. Breeza says:

    I think he likes you a lot! Can’t wait to see what happens!

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  32. roseski says:

    There are many many comments which, I assume, are saying something like: “Eeeeeeeeeee! OF COURSE HE LIKES YOU! But aaaaaaah! Be careful if you just want the friendship!”

    So I’m saying that too, and I like this you/him thing. Kiss him again, kiss him again! 🙂

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  33. Jo says:

    I think you should just keep kissing him…and see what happens.

    No drama, pinky, no drama.

    Just two single people kissing.

    It’ll only get complicated after you’ve shagged.

    😉

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  34. ayemiy says:

    I fully understand why he might not want to go into it when he’s sobered up – the same reason you’re keeping your cards close to your chest. If he admits something and leaves himself exposed and you say “thanks, but no thanks”, then his man pride will be hurt. And you don’t want to look vulnerable and daft by admitting the same. Been in that situation myself and thought, “Sod it”…and it was indeed the best thing I ever did.

    Obviously the situation can both ways, but you clearly can’t stand not knowing either way :p

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  35. ZStep I’m a girl….of course I’m thinking about it too much, it’s what we do!

    SuddenlySingle see, the thing is, up until now the kissing has just kind of been left at that, it’s not talked about or worried about so that’s why we can just get on with being friends….if more happens, well it might not be as easy!

    Breeza If anything, it’s good blogging material, right?!

    Rosie I love your comment the most. I like this me/him thing….we get along well…I just hope it doesn’t get ruined!

    Jo yes, just keep kissing….no shagging…that would most defo make it weird.

    ayemily Ooooo I don’t know… I think I have to wait and see how it goes for a bit until I do that!!

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  36. nuttycow says:

    Yes you do (like him like that) and yes he does (like you like that)

    Just go for it woman.

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  37. pawpads says:

    Before you look into this too deeply, I think you need to decide if you “like him like that”

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  38. Handsome Curlew says:

    Sounds like you may have picked a good’n. Thumbs up from this highly indecent chap. And Jo’s advice is definitely the way to go.

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  39. miss*H says:

    sounds like he likes you and you like him. Perhaps like you he’s worried that if you cross the bed boundry as ‘friends’ that one of you might get hurt….just carry on snogging for now and see what happens (Mr W and I were friends first and we’ve now been together for 9 years)

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  40. miss*H says:

    sounds like he likes you and you like him. Perhaps like you he’s worried that if you cross the bed boundry as ‘friends’ that one of you might get hurt….just carry on snogging for now and see what happens (Mr W and I were friends first and we’ve now been together for 9 years)

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  41. Jenn says:

    Well what everyone else has said really.
    Currently doing the whole ‘friends to more’ thing and it’s definitely all good so far.
    I’d say some more drunk smooches, then some sober ones…if you’re smiling at the end of it – it’s a done deal 🙂

    He sounds like an absolute sweetie hun, just see how it goes. Get your happy!!!!!!! ❤

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  42. Rage says:

    I’ve got a bit late to this, but it’s pretty damn clear cut as plenty of others have said.

    I suspect your confusion arises from (a) slight lack of confidence at the mo and (b) him not communicating all that efficiently. But he’s probably in the same boat as you re. not wanting to mess up friendship.

    Also agree with Jo – more kissing will make things clearer.

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  43. Fabulous says:

    weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Thats all i have to say.

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  44. Felisa says:

    DON’T DO WHAT I DID AND KEEP PUTTING OFF EXPRESSING INTEREST!!! Really. I mean, that is if you do like him that way… He sounds like a sweetheart and sounds like a good flirt too 😉

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  45. Miss Swiss too scared!

    pawpads yes…. I do need to think about that…lots

    HC one you finally approve of!

    Miss H I think this is the best course of action!

    Jenn yes, I need me some happy yes please!

    Rage I agree with you on both a and b….very much. I think just seeing how things go is the best course of action.

    Fabby aww thanks! 🙂 Will reply to your text too sorry hun, was sicking when I got it!

    Felisa hmmmm I will, at some point…just not yet!

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  46. Lpeg says:

    He sounds lovely. I think you should go for it!

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  47. 'Ayes says:

    Where’s cupids arrow when you need it eh,

    Bring him to footie, I’ll sus him out LOL (or fire the bloody arrow)

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  48. […] 3, 2010 in If, But and Maybe ..an update…from late Friday night when I was in bed getting an early night before my weekend away…via […]

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