Life is funny. If you had asked me when I was say 16, what I would be doing at this time in my life (28!), I would have said “I’ll be happily married with a baby, a nice house and a nice car. I’ll be successful in my job and really love what I do.” I honestly thought that all those things would just come to me, becasue that’s what you do as you get older.
If I spend too long thinking about it, I would induce a mild state of panic upon myself. Realistically, I know I’m not really all that old and I have plenty of time for all of those things….. when I’m not being realistic, I worry. This job is not what I want to do, I don’t have a car, I’m not married and don’t even have a boyfriend let alone the possiblity of finding someone batty enough to want to give me lovely little babies.
I have said it before and I will say it again, finding someone seems more and more impossible as every day passes. Perhaps I am looking in the wrong place or at the wrong people. Perhaps I am expecting too much, not wanting to settle like some people do. Perhaps it will all just fall into my lap and magically happen one day. Or perhaps it will be how I fear, and I won’t be able to find someone who I love for all the world and who feels the same.
I worry that the longer it goes on, the more closed off I am even to the idea of meeting someone. I get more sure that it’s just not going to happen, that I will never meet anyone lovely and decent and so don’t even want to take a chance.
It will take someone coming along and totally sweeping me off my feet for me to even consider letting myself feel that way about someone, and let’s be honest, things like that usually only happen in the movies.
I’d always say i’m a hopeful person, but it’s dwindling fast. I’m beginning to consider getting my third cat, or maybe a tiny little dog that can use the cat flap.