Age old problem

In two days time, I am 29. I don’t know if I can adequately put into words how unhappy I am about this fact. Let’s just say, I’m firmly ignoring it and pretending that I’m still somewhere around the 24 mark.

Don’t worry too much, I’m not scheduled to freak out until I get to 30, that’s when things will unravel and I will really lose my shit. I’ve got a year to go yet.

My main problem is, I don’t feel like I’ve done much with my life up until now. I haven’t achieved much of anything. 

I’m certainly not married and I don’t have children, both of which were definitely in the plan for my twenties. I haven’t figured out what to ‘do’ with my life, or found my ‘calling’. God hasn’t spoken to me and I don’t have a dog. I haven’t found my style and I’m still a few sizes bigger than I should be. I can’t for the life of me cook decent rice, no matter which ‘never fails’ method I use and my cheese sauce always tastes of flour. There’s been no cure for my migraines, there’s times when I fall back into depressions and want to shut myself away and not speak to anyone. I rely on my parents to bail me out of money troubles which shames me no end. I have a ridiculous overdraft and can’t control my spending. I have no money saved up for the dream wedding that I want and will end up having to get married in the local registry office. I will never have my dream wedding. I will never own a unicorn.

If I dwell on any of these things too much, I get sucked into a swirling vortex of doom that I will never be able to drag myself out of, so I do what most sane people do and ignore them. Instead, I will focus on the things I do have. I have a man who loves me very much, who I am planning a future with. I have a flat that is mine. I have lovely friends and a wonderful family.

That will do me. For now.

Next year though. Next year I can’t ignore it. I’ll be in my thirties.

I have to decide what to do with my life. I have to grow up and get my act together. I want kids, I want a job that I’m proud of and that I enjoy. If I want those things, at some point I have to take a deep breath and go out there and get them. That all has to start somewhere.

13 thoughts on “Age old problem

  1. Blonde says:

    I can’t help with a lot of it, other than to say – you own a flat, that you live in with the man you love. That’s a pretty good gig.

    Oh, and for four people:

    Put 300g rice in a pan. Add 600ml water, stir, then bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer, then cover for 10 mins. Take off the heat and leave to stand, covered, for 10-15 mins more. The rice will be perfectly cooked if you do not lift the lid before the end of the cooking

    xx

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  2. Helen says:

    I’m 31 this year. 30, so far, has been the best year of my life, despite being fatter than I’d like, 200 miles away from my boyfriend and in a job I hate. The desire to open a tea shop has never been stronger! xx

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  3. pinkjellybaby says:

    Blonde – Honestly, tried it, still came out all wrong. Me and rice just don’t get on. x

    H – I think I’m just feeling a little lost. And you know my views on the tea/flower/card/cake shop x

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  4. DiscoMcDisco says:

    I hit 30 in 5 months, and many of the things on your list plague me as well. I’m about 5 years behind my ‘schedule’ and still feel like I’m muddling through. But at least I’m muddling through 😉

    Chin up hun, It’s always easier to see the really crap stuff behind the reaaaaally good stuff. You’re well on your way to getting what you want out of life, let’s hope the next 12 months is full of epiphanies and joy.

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  5. pinkjellybaby says:

    Russ – I think it’s mostly career wise. I always though I’d be pretty sorted and know what I’d want to do and be doing something I really liked…. but I kind of have no clue and so feel a bit unsure as to what to do for the best and I’m really not good in that kind of situation, being the kind of overthinking worrier that I am!

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  6. Georgia says:

    Age is just a number Hun! There are no time limits in life.
    I had my dream wedding for around £5000 which I saved up myself. It can be done!

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  7. pinkjellybaby says:

    Georgia – But there’s things that need to be sorted before other things happen! I think my dream dress would be about £5k! Lol

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  8. urbanvox says:

    I felt the same way when I got to the 30s… I still feel like that mostly… But you know what? Most of the most interesting people I know did/do too!!! So honey, you are in good company! 🙂 que sera, sera… Just do now as much as you can and the rest will come together somehow. 😉 Carpe Diem!! Xxx

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  9. pikz says:

    I’m so with Helen on 30 has been the best year of my life so far. In fact 30 gave me the confidence to realise that not everything has to be perfect. Yes i’m engaged but not married yet, and i’d rather wait and have the wedding of my dreams which will come in time. Someone once told me life is full of 5 balls, and you juggle them. They are- family, career, friends, health and integrity. Each ball has its own fragility but the career ball that always bounces. xxx

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  10. I promise you being 30 will be amazing. For most people it is. Just don’t waste 29 worrying about 30. That’s what messes people up!

    I am 31 – I don’t own my own home. I don’t have kids. I doubt I will ever marry. I am not even that sure I like my job. Or where I live. I am no where I imagined I’d be right now.

    But I am pretty much happy in me and i figure if i can’t be rich/successful then that’s good enough for me!

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  11. pinkjellybaby says:

    Vox – I’m trying…but I’m a planner, it’s hard just to see what happens!

    Pikz – I’m starting to think that maybe things don’t have to happen in the order that I’ve always thought they do. I’ve always thought I wanted to do something that mattered and something that I love but perhaps I just have to do something that allows me the money to live the life I want instead.

    Em – I have been told this. I’m willing myself to get to 30 and suddenly think, “Holy shit, THIS is what it’s all about”…. I think I’ll get there, I just need to let go a little!

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  12. Lpeg says:

    I know the feeling! I turned 29 two months ago, had it all planned out that I was going to accomplish 30 things before I turned thirty, and here is it, two months later and I don’t even have a list yet!

    Hang in there. 29 has potential – it’s whether or not you take a hold of it 🙂 I mean really, it’s your last great moment of your 20’s. Make it so!

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  13. Jo says:

    I’m definitely not where I thought I would be at 27/ nearly 28, at the moment I can’t see the day when I’ll have a boyfriend and all the stuff I’m “supposed” to, so I think that’s where my current “right, I’m going to do something else then” feeling has kicked in. But ultimately, you’re right – the key is making things happen for yourself. If one thing getting older has taught me, it’s that no one else can (or will) make the big changes for you x

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