Category Archives: Present Past

Know-it-all

As with people who have babies, and suddenly have all the things to tell you that you have ‘no idea’ about, so it is when you get married. Suddenly I feel I have a little wisdom to impart, that I wish someone had told me years ago.

I was sat with my head craned backwards in the sink at the hairdressers last week when I ended up talking to the girl washing my hair about New Years Eve and single friends, and men.

As it turns out, she finds herself with a string of ‘bad relationships’, which is not unfamiliar to me and this is my take on it.

One day, you’ll be married and feeling like you’re getting old, soft around the middle and crinkly round the eyes. When that day comes, you will suddenly wish that you hadn’t spend all of your young and single time worrying if he was ‘The One’ or if he likes you or if you’d ever meet the person who is ’The One’ and had just spent it having the most amazing time.

Don’t worry about meeting the love of your life or that all your friends are meeting people and you’re not. Don’t spend all of your nights out looking for a guy, scanning the crowd for someone who might just be him. Don’t waste tears and time on men who don’t call or text you back.

Go out, flirt with everyone, talk to new people, do new things, smile, laugh, drink too much and dance all night. Do things that you want to do, for you. Enjoy being by yourself and really learn about who you are as a person, without needing someone else to complete you.

Because one day, you’ll have met ‘The One’, despite thinking that you never would, and you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted all that time worrying and had just had an amazing time been your fabulous self.

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Serendipitously

You always get those complete arsehats, don’t you, you know the ones with their “You won’t find someone until you stop looking” and “It will happen when you least expect it”. We sit there and roll our eyes and think ‘oh do fuck off’….. but you know what (and I would never ever say this to one of them), it’s true.

I had honestly given up. After a string of utter arseholes – a lot of which you knew about – I’d just got to the point where I knew they were taking me for a ride, I knew I was letting them walk all over me and I wasn’t prepared to take it any more for the sake of having someone, anyone.

I would have rather been alone, and happily alone, than spend one more day wondering why they hadn’t text me back or if I’d said something to accidentally make them think I liked them more than I should.

I was happy with my own company, in my little flat with my little cat. The epitome of cat lady.  Continue reading

Age old problem

In two days time, I am 29. I don’t know if I can adequately put into words how unhappy I am about this fact. Let’s just say, I’m firmly ignoring it and pretending that I’m still somewhere around the 24 mark.

Don’t worry too much, I’m not scheduled to freak out until I get to 30, that’s when things will unravel and I will really lose my shit. I’ve got a year to go yet.

My main problem is, I don’t feel like I’ve done much with my life up until now. I haven’t achieved much of anything.  Continue reading

When you know, you know.

I think an accurate look inside my mind is easily achieved. No one can say they don’t know what I’m thinking about.

Just look at my Pinterest account and you’ll see it all laid out there.

In all honesty, there is one thing that occupies my mind 99% of the time at the moment….and I’m not sure how that goes down with most people.

The future. The wedding. The house. The babies.

The Fella and I have been together almost 6 months, a comparatively short amount of time, I agree. We talk about the future a lot and we’re very excited that we get to be part of eachothers and that we want the same things. Continue reading

It started with – well after almost a year – a kiss

As you all know, i’m not the most confident tool in the box (nor probably the brightest) but I have been getting better over the past year, little by litte.

It was after I got skinny but before I got confident that I found myself on a pub crawl with my friend. It was her ex’s, friends Birthday or somesuch. I didn’t really know anyone and was propping up the bar having a little look around, doing some shots (as you do when you’re unconfident and don’t know anyone). Mostly lads…some around my age….

Oh hello, yes you’re hot but younger than me. Then it was forgotten about, after all, he’d given me a quick glance but that was all.

Months down the line, June, and a few little encounters with the same group of people later, it was said friend’s Birthday. This was after I started getting fat again and in the midst of finding, but not having quite found my confidence. A group of us were out locally and along popped her ex (they maintaned some kind of friendship) with some of his friends.

Oh hello again, excuse me while I squeeze past to go to the bar. Yes, you’re hot. But oh, as I return from the bar, a blank look…a look, but no smile, no hello. Perhaps you think I’m a drunk. Well I am. Anyway, you’re too hot for me.

Then all of a sudden, as happens, it’s Christmas. The 28th December to be precise and there’s another pub crawl with that group of people. Friend has got back with her ex you see, so it’s all happy faces. This is once I was fat again, but not THIS fat and after i’d found my confidence, well a bit of it.

I was showing them, my friends…you know, the ones I’ve talked about who didn’t like the new me. So I was dressed to kill, but just the right amount. Looking hot, for me. And all of a sudden, there he is again.

Well. Perhaps not quite as young as I thought, still hot that’s for sure. A nod hello! A few pubs later there’s someone saying he looks like my ex..he looks totally shamed. Here’s me waving the white flag again. Clearly not interested. A few more pubs later and I’m sure him and his mate are talking about me. I apologise for the earlier banter and try and make good…still not much chatter. I’ll leave it.

Ahhhh New Years Eve. I hate this day, far too much expectation. I tweet about staying in by myself. Friend’s now bf is having a house party…. suppose I could go. Don’t really feel like it though. This is now I’m fat again and now I have much more confidence, even more with a litre of vodka.

He’s here. Hello. A glance at me as he walks in, ok feels a bit frosty. He’s having a chat with my friends, more or less ignores me. Oh well, let’s party. Only one thing for it, drink a LOT of vodka, take some co-codamol for my headache, drink more vodka and fall into a coma.

Can just about stand up as we watch the countdown on the TV. Friends are somehow on the other side of the room…. 5,4,….Not even sure I can stand up much longer….3,2..oh, i’m standing next to him….1….and as he goes to say happy new year… I kiss him.

 

The News

I really apologise for the way in which I’m going to do this and I apologise again for the fact that I will leave you all hanging but I don’t have the bloggability right now…

  • There was the L word.
  • He’s moving in.

Once more unto the breach

 I’ve spent so long complaing about guys. How they only want one thing. Wondering why it was that I seemed to only attract that kind of person.

I considered once somewhere on this blog that perhaps it was me. That I attracted those guys because that’s all I thought I was worth, I was unhappy with myself and I wasn’t ready for all that came with someone who felt anything more than the need for a quick fling with me.

Then I started to get happier, with myself, with who I am. More comfortable with it. That, as they say, is a story for another time.

As it happens, at some point just before Christmas, something changed. I manged to somewhow switch on my secret bat signal that only guys who were actually, genuinely interested could hear. Who knew such a thing existed?
In the space of a week, I had been asked on a date by three very nice, lovely, interested guys. I said no to them all. Not because I wasn’t ready or didn’t think I was worthy, but because they just weren’t quite right and I deserve that.

…there may just be a Mr Right. Maybe I will start to tell you about him. Or maybe I will keep things to myself for a while. Either way, I’m smiling again, finally, properly.